Wednesday, October 21, 2009

It wasn't so bad........

Right now, while I'm content with Motrin and Lortab coursing through my veins, I wanted to take this moment to tell everyone who sent prayers and good thoughts my way....Thank You!

I felt a little anxious this morning, but Rob took care of everything so I didn't have to stress out. I love that man. Our first stop was to my Orthodontist to remove the whole top wire and the one bracket on a tooth that was to be removed. For those of you who know teeth numbers it was #7 (the small tooth next to your front tooth on the right side). Dr. E. was very adamant that we not put the pontics back on until next Monday. I knew it was for the best and had prepared myself that I would be without my front teeth for the rest of the week/end. I held it all together until I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled. It was then I burst into tears and all the emotions of the past few days came pouring out of me. Rob grabbed my bag and we left.

We were early for my surgery, so Rob and I went to Kid to Kid to check on some uniform clothes for Caleb who starts a Charter school on Monday. I found an almost brand new pair of American flag Robeez for a neighbor baby and we found one pair of navy blue slacks for Caleb. I kept forgetting to not talk to people and I think I even smiled at one lady. I was quick to stop smiling, but she probably saw the huge black space anyway. Oh well. At least I am friendly and have good manners. Right?

At the oral surgeons (Dr. K) , I was taken back quickly and things just started rolling. I freaked Dr. K out by wishing him luck on finding a vein and getting it the first time. Wouldn't you know, Dr. K stuck the IV in and voila...he got the vein. Dr. K even raised his arms in VICTORY. He's not humble or anything.

I dont remember going to sleep, but I do remember feeling a little groggy. At some point, during the surgery, I woke up and fell back asleep several times. I wasn't in any pain, but I was cognitive enough to think "I hope this isn't one of those situations where I can't move, but can feel the surgery." I willed myself to move my hand and it moved, so I fell back alseep.

Dr. K removed #6 & #7, did a bone graft and had to do some skin grafts (from my mouth) to close the extra girth added by the bone graft. I'll be sore for several days, but I can drink through a straw. Now how's that for a wonderful gift! I was sure I would be on straw restriction. The Lord knew I needed a Jamba Juice.

Rob brought me home and put me to bed, then ran out to get my medication. I slept until he returned. He put in Transformer's, made me Ramen noodles and brought me a diet Crush. I called my mom to tell her I was doing fine and now I will head back to bed. I think the Lortab is starting to really kick in. Fun!

Again, thanks for all your prayers and well wishes. They mean the world to me and I know they're the primary source of my feeling comfortable.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Happy Birthday, Caleb!! & Updates

Today is my baby's EIGHTH Birthday!

I can't even believe how quickly these years have just flown by. It seems like yesterday that he was snuggled to my breast for nourishment, comfort and love.

I remember how sweet he smelled.

I remember his adorable smile and how his giggle would make me burst into laughter.

He loved being next to me in his sling and I loved wearing him.

He was a high-need's baby and I didn't mind a bit. All he wanted was his mommy (and daddy) and you know what? That was A-OK! When he was a toddler, he would bring me the sling so that I would wear him. All I had to do was tighten him in and he would be at peace. We would be at peace.

We nursed for two and a half years. Towards the end, I was not offering and not refusing. He weaned himself...when he was ready. I'm not sure I was ready, but I was proud that I gave him the chance to become independent on his own. Oh, and while he was a high-need's baby, co-slept, breast-fed on demand, wore cloth diapers, spent most of his first two years in a sling and didn't eat solids until he was 11 months old....

He is, and always has been, my most snugly and independent child.

After he finished eating dinner this evening, he came over to me and put his head on me. I knew he was anxious to open his gifts, but he wasn't feeling well either. His face was flushed and his eyes glossy. I asked him if he wanted to lie down in my bed while our family guests finished eating and visiting. He asked me to come with him and so I did. We snuggled together while I rubbed his back. I enjoyed every minute of our time together. Luckily, Caleb loves to snuggle and sometimes I overlook this need, so I'm thankful I wasn't too busy to see the opportunity. I would have missed it otherwise.

Happy 8th Birthday, Caleb!!!


Have you ever felt like you didn't know what to write and when you did write something, it sounded awful and scattered?

That's how I've been feeling for a month, or so. I'm not interesting, funny or thought provoking.

How depressing.......


Semi-Organized Mom's Surgery Update:

I will be having my first big oral surgery this Wednesday. I'm really nervous about it. Even though I know what will happen, I can't help but feel a little anxiety about it all.

First, I'll be put to sleep under general anesthesia.

Second, Two of my teeth will be removed and one of them is my impacted eye tooth.

Third, I will have a bone graft where they remove the eye tooth....complete with cadavar bone. Ewww!

I've taken Wednesday-Sunday off from work, so I'm hoping to get some rest while the kids are at school. I know I'll be well taken care of and am grateful for the help my wonderful IRL friend has offered. She is picking my kids up from school on Thursday (offered Wed, but Rob will do that.) and I'm sure she'll help out Friday if I need her to.

I think the fact that I don't know how I'm going to feel, how quickly I will heal, how much pain I'll be in...well, that's frightening to me. Am I overly anxious? Probably. Or maybe what I'm feeling is just "normal". Regardless, most people don't really openly discuss their teeth issues and if they do, it's not usually about losing teeth, implants or pontics.


I went to a Women's One-Day Conference at my church (SMCC) on Saturday. My friend accompanied me and we both had a wonderful time. I enjoyed the worship, the amazing lunch and I couldn't get enough of Wendy Blight, the guest speaker.

She spoke so many truth's and God's promises. I felt like she was speaking directly to me, at times. I think I'll stop here, because I want to devote an entire blog post to my thoughts. If you want to learn more about Wendy and Proverbs 31 Ministries, click on the link above.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

sock Irish dancer's best friend

This is "Sock Glue".

This is my daughter wearing sock glue.

"Why does your daughter need, um, sock glue?"

"Because. (rolls eyes) She needs to keep her white "poodle socks" from slipping down while she dances."

"Um...okay, but glue?"

"Yeah. If her socks ever slipped, even a smidgen, in front of an adjudicator, she wouldn't get first place. Not to mention, all the other Feismom's would be shaking their heads at me. That's why!"

"So, um, how does she get it off?"

"The glue?"


"Oh. Well, that depends. If we're at a hotel, she'll throw on her suit and jump in the pool with her socks on. She looks really funny, but it works. Once the socks get wet, the glue doesn't stick anymore. Otherwise, she just peels them off on our way home. Very. Very. Slowly.

Like a Bandaid. Or a scab.

You should see the faces she makes. Talk about hilarious!!"

And while we're on the subject of "sock glue", I thought I'd turn your attention to the most comical Irish Dance blogger known to man and his thoughts on sock glue.

mouse trouble

No! Not this kind of mouse!

This kind of mouse. The Apple mouse. He's cute, dontcha think?

If you're having trouble with the scroll ball on your Apple mouse, did you know there are a couple tricks to get it back up and running again? I didn't. And then, well, the mouse started misbehaving. Mice tend to do that from time to time.

So, I Googled it. I love Google. Don't you? You can find most anything on Google and these people have really hit the jackpot.

Like, um, this blogger.

And this blogger, who really cracks me up with his list of "google search terms". I didn't even know this was possible! How does one even search how people found their websites?

But I digress. So, back on the ball or to the ball. Or something like that.

Trick #1: Pick up your mouse and flip it upside down. Scroll the ball back and forth, left and right all the while pressing pretty firmly. Check to see if it's scrolling properly. If not, try it again.

Trick #2 (my favorite): Grab a clean white piece of paper and flip your mouse upside down on top of it. With the ball firmly placed on the paper, roll it back and forth. Make sure you're pressing firmly or it will not work. Lift your mouse off the paper and see if there is any black residue (Ewww!) left over. I did this one time and the mouse was good as new.

With other mouses/mice/mousi you can just twist off the ball cover, remove the ball and q-tip out the lint that is inside. Voila! A new mouse to scamper around your desk top.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Marriage Counseling

The other day, I received a Facebook message from a beautiful young woman who is about to be married. In FOUR days! I met her shortly after we started attending Calvary Chapel back in 2001. She was in Jr. High and Rob was one of her Youth teachers. I've seen her grow into a beautiful woman who loves God. So, when she asked me to answer some questions about Marriage counseling, I felt honored. Without going into too much detail (seeing as it is for a school paper and I doubt they wanted an in depth five thousand page manual) this is what I sent her. It's a little choppy, what with five children needing this or that. You all understand, I'm sure.

A little background might help, too.

We were young when we married, however, we were not pregnant. We married in 1992 when I was 17 and my husband was 21. My mother had to sign for the marriage license because I was not yet 18. We didn’t marry under the best of circumstances and I doubt I would want my own son or daughter to start off the way we did. Basically, we were two young kids playing house. With that said....

Do you think you're marriage would have survived without professional help?

Absolutely not!! I also have to admit that we both did not know God. We were both LDS and were struggling with a religion neither one of us understood. After many years of living as “Jack Mormon’s” we decided it was high time we figured out what we had professed to believe. In 2000, we decided to take the full missionary lessons again and walked away even more confused. In 2001, our lives changed. We walked away from Religion and found relationships with God. We began fellowshipping at Calvary Chapel and our marriage (though not perfect) has not seen the depths of darkness it once did. I am grateful that we had the counseling when we needed it. I do not think we would have made it to 2001 without our willingness to be open with each other and a stranger who just wanted to see a marriage work. Whatever the sacrifice, I am grateful we both fought hard for our marriage!

Our first counseling session was in 1997. We were on the verge of divorce and we fought all the time. Our #1 problem was that we did not know how to communicate with each other without making each other defensive. We were selfish and did not know how to relate with one another. We were two separate people trying to live together, and raise three small children, but what’s worse is that we struggled through our first years of marriage in a society where we throw spouses away like trash. Your friends and family will say to “dump him/her”, “You can do better!”, “We told you it wouldn’t work out!”. How can one even desire to seek out help for their own marriage when some of the people closest to them may not feel your marriage is worth the struggle/pain/hurt/confusion/time?

We had all the basics. I loved my husband with a passion, I longed for him, wanted to bear his children, grow old with him, I wanted to be with him every moment of the day and I couldn’t imagine life without him. I remember, during a very hard part of our marriage, my husband even said, “We can live off love.” Haha. I, a female, naturally desired security and he, an adventurous male, didn’t have any idea what a savings account was.

What kind of advice did the counselors give to you to help your relationship?

It wasn’t even much about what advice they gave us, but more about how they helped us relate to and with each other. Listening to me discuss my own childhood and my own feelings helped my husband see me for who I was. The same went for how I viewed him and his actions.

For weeks, we listened to each other as our counselor helped guide our emotions. He also helped keep us in check. We cried, got angry, laughed and when we finally got to the depth of the real issues we....grew. Together. It was amazing!

Our counselor(s) (yes we’ve had several over the first 10 years of our marriage..currently 17 years.) taught us how to use the “I” technique. Instead of saying,

“I can’t believe you forgot about dinner with my family! You’re a jerk! You spend so many hours in front of that television or with your friends and you never spend any time with me! Why don’t you want to do what I want to do?!”

You would say, something like...

“I feel like my family doesn’t matter sometimes and it makes me sad. It also makes me scared because I feel it’s important to have a strong family and lately things have just been different. I love my parents/siblings and I think it’s important to set aside time to build those relationships.”

(I found the following off of The Marriage Counseling Blog when I Googled "I statements". Click on the title below to visit this great blog!!

The “I” Statements in Couples Counseling

We’ve all heard it before, right? Even the most psychologically unsavvy among us has heard the importance of using “I” statements when communicating with others, such as “I feel like you’re not listening to me” instead of “You never listen to me.” The former statement is less likely to elicit a feeling of defensiveness and allows the other party to understand how their behavior is making you feel.

Couples counseling teaches you to talk to your partner in a way that is productive and “I” statements contribute to overall communication. Many couples have to “retrain” their speech to include “I” statements, but once they do, it becomes habitual and easy.

Here are a few other reasons “I” statements help facilitate healthy communication:

“I” statements help:

Express feelings productively.

Respectfully confront someone when you are bothered by his or her behavior.

Express difficult feelings without attacking the self-esteem of the person.

Clarify for you and the other person precisely what you feel. Prevent feelings from building up and festering into a bigger problem.

Communicate difficult feelings in a manner that minimizes the other person’s need to become defensive, and increases the likelihood that the person will listen.

“I” statements may seem obvious to many of us, but if you watch your speech with others, especially when you are angry or upset, you’ll notice how “you” statements come to the foreground. “You” statements will quickly block communication and can often lead to a communication stalemate.

So focus on “I” during the next talk you have with your partner. You’ll find your communication operating considerably more smoothly and defenses dropping drown quickly.

During our sessions my husband coined a phrase, “Pee on the toilet seat.” This became something our counselor started to say, too. It would always bring a roar of laughter, but once all the bitterness, anger and frustration was peeled away, we realized what that phrase meant. We still use it today. “Pee on the toilet seat” was the little things that got in the way of the main issue. These little issues became daily gripes and suddenly that’s all there were. Lots and lots of daily gripes. Enough that one might think you actually despised the person you married. Not just that, but it became the only thing I could get upset about when all the really deep issues were just too scary for me to bring up. When I couldn’t talk to him about the things that hurt me, how I felt lonely, used and untrusting, I complained about pee on the toilet seat or his dirty clothes on the floor, etc. We never got to the big issues that were tearing apart our marriage because we were so busy knocking each other down with the little things.

Was communication ever an issue for you?

Yes! “Pee on the toilet seat!”

Would you recommend counseling to a couple in need?

Without hesitation. I would probably choose Christian counseling if we needed it today, but I would not rule out a secular counselor. Furthermore, I would not listen to ONE person who told me my marriage wasn’t worth it. I also wouldn’t really seek out advice from anyone who is just recently married or lacking the value of marriage we’ve had. Singles...if you ever have a friend who says they would “never go to a counselor”, “That if they couldn’t work it out on their own then they shouldn’t be married.”...

Run, don’t walk, away from that friendship.

And, on another note, if you ever feel like you are in danger or you are being abused you need to get help! IMMEDIATELY! I will never say that your spouse will not change...even though most others will... (EVERYONE can change if they really want to and are willing to get the help), but you MUST be strong, get counseling for yourself and let it be known that if there is any hope for your marriage, your spouse must have counseling, you must have counseling and when you both are ready, you both have marital counseling. You are worth it, your spouse is worth it and your marriage (and children) are worth any amount of work it takes to build a stronger union. At least, in the end, if your spouse refuses to change and take responsibility for his/her own behavior, you’ll have gone though months of counseling and learned how to be strong. Now you can move on with your life and know you did everything to try and make it work.

I think that is all for now if I think of more or if you have other things you think would help my cause that would be fantastic.

You’re welcome! Let me know if you need anything else! Sorry if this seems choppy...I didn’t have much time to put it all together.